Conquering the Countdown

Parenthood has two big transitions, when our children arrive and when they leave.  I think I managed the first quite well and in 14 days, 22 hours, 4 minutes and 59 seconds I will discover how well I handle the second.   A once in a lifetime occurrence….Tyler will only start college once.  Such moments are rare. They have power.

I've spent a year thinking and whining and blogging over my feelings and how I was full of emotion.  But what about him? How does Tyler feel?  He’s leaving his secure nest.  His group of friends.  His girlfriend.  He’s an only child that has to share nothing with anyone.  He has someone to do his laundry and pick up his shoes and to make sure that he eats.  How is Tyler going to handle this transition? 

Yesterday we went to La Roche for textbooks.  It was a beautiful day to visit the campus.  Tyler invited his friend Lucas to come along.  Lucas has been Tyler’s sidekick for the last few years and I couldn't ask for a better friend for Tyler.  Lucas will be attending Penn State Main in the fall and is very excited about it. 

On the way to La Roche, I was explaining to Tyler some of the activities that will occur during “Welcome Week”.  Part of the discussion was that a few of the activities were mandatory.  And just like that, Tyler’s attitude changed.  “Mandatory?  They can’t make me do anything.  What are they going to do? Kick me out?”   His social anxiety kicked in big time. 

Tyler has come a long way in regards to his social anxiety.  Actually, you wouldn't know he suffered from it at all if I didn't broadcast it in my blog :) But when he is in situations or anticipating situations in which he has little or no control, it comes out full blown.  His first reaction is anger followed by an “I’m not doing it” and “you can’t make me” attitude.  That is usually when he and I battle.  I’m still learning all the time how to deal with his anxiety.  I've learned it is best to just change the subject and move on.  His brain needs to process the upcoming situation.  After it does, he will ask questions which will generate the discussion I wanted to have in the first place. 

The reality that “this is happening” is starting to hit Tyler.  The first of their group of friends leaves for Texas this Saturday.  Tyler told me that he plans to be there when his buddy leaves. I had no doubt that my son would be there.  The rest of them leave on August 22 like Tyler except Briana.  She moves in earlier that week.  I can’t even imagine how hard that is going to be…..

I know I've projected an image of being a hyper-controlling “Velcro parent” who is going to have a hard time letting go.  And it’s quite possible that I led you all to believe that I might camp out in Tyler’s room to help the “transition” to college. 

But you know what?

I know it’s going to be okay.  I know that these last couple weeks (14 days, 20 hours, 41 minutes, and 33 seconds) I need to be here for my son. 

There were no other meltdowns yesterday during our visit to La Roche.  I walked behind Tyler and Lucas and stayed out of “eavesdropping” range.  It was kinda cool to watch Tyler show Lucas around the campus and Tyler even let me take a couple pictures!  He didn't get overly mad when I introduced myself to a student outside of his dorm and asked her a few questions.  Turns out that she will be his R.A.!  Sweet!  That will help that he already met her.  And I was mature enough to not ask her for her cell phone number, email address, and twitter name…you know, just in case. 

During the ride home, we talked about La Roche baseball.  Tyler had heard that practice will probably start the first week of classes.  I asked Tyler his thoughts on that. 

“I’m surprised that we start so soon, but I’ll be ready.  I’ll start playing catch this week to get my arm prepared.  It will be good for me to, you know, have something to think about and kinda focus on”.

Yes, I do know.  I knew exactly what he was talking about.  The book was open, revealing the next chapter in his life and he was a little apprehensive about turning the page.  There were so many things I wanted to say.  So many things that needed to be said.  So, I handled it like any good mother would…..

“How about them Buccos?”

In the end, my job as a parent is to leave him with both the right size sheets and a sense that he is well equipped for this next, independent stage of life.  The challenges are no greater or lesser than when he arrived eighteen years ago.  

Deep breath! It’s going to be okay.