Empty Nest Plus One

We're coming up on one of the milestone moments of Tyler’s freshman year.

 It’s the first long holiday break.

When Tyler was home for Thanksgiving, I enjoyed every minute.  It was nice to have adult conversations and learn about his team mates and new interests.  It was great to see his high school friends again when they stopped over.  It was wonderful to hear him laugh.  It was even nice to pick up empty water bottles lying around and put toilet paper on the roll when it was emptied by him. 

Would this wonderfulness be even more special during the month long winter break?

For him the thought of this may be worse than the realization that the "freshman 15" is not a myth and more cringe-inducing than seeing his roommate in his undergutchies.   I’m sure he will arrive home a wiped-out, post-finals mess.  He will be sleep-deprived, weighted down with dirty laundry and with four to six weeks of no structure, he will likely drive everyone, himself included, berserk.

Although I’m lucky enough to see Tyler at least one day a week, he is still basically living on his own.  In the four months that we have lived apart, we have both been adjusting to new routines.

For Tyler, these four months have been somewhat tumultuous. He’s never been away this long. Although he likes his roommate, there was an adjustment period. He’s had tough professors and the challenges of self-management with baseball, cafeteria times, sleeping and friends.  He’s used to being independent (so he thinks), making his own decisions and coming and going as he wants. 

For me, these four months have been a huge adjustment.  My world revolved around Tyler.  My house is quiet.  My grocery bill is half.  The ketchup lasts for months.  I can eat cereal for dinner if I choose.  Cali gets all my attention and if she wants to cuddle all evening, we cuddle.  And I never have to worry if there is TP when I need it. 

Starting tomorrow we will be back together under the same roof, trying to figure out whose new rules apply.

How should the temporarily reassembled household run? Should I expect Tyler to comply with his old high school rules? Is he a guest? If so, I don’t think he can be the kind of guest I’d want to invite back. I’m sure there will be hot-button issues such as curfew, chores, and drinking.  Plus, there will be holiday gatherings that I’ll want him to attend but he’ll want to hang out with his friends instead. 

I guess winter break will be the time to determine what to retain, what to reframe.  We will have to find a balance……a month long, temporary normal.  The “new normal” will kinda be a pop-up version of home life that we will return to each break.  I just hope it doesn’t include me cooking dinner every night!