How Did We Get Here So Fast?

How Did We Get Here So Fast?

June 6, 2014....only 10 days from now. 

That can’t be!

There has to be a mistake! 

I swear, Tyler, it feels like only last week that I brought you home from the hospital. You were my tiny little 10 pound, 22 inch bundle of joy.  Okay, tiny and little were never used to describe you.  You were nicknamed “man-mountain Booher” from the start!   I remember looking at you for the first time and thinking that I wanted time to stand still.  I wanted you to stay wrapped up in a blanket in my arms.  I wanted to protect you and keep you from the big, bad world. Nothing I have ever done has given me more joy and rewards than being a mother to you!  The day I found out you were going to be born was the happiest and scariest moment of my life.  No manual is given on how to raise a child, but I was going to do everything I could for you.  I think I have done almost everything possible for you, even to a fault at times, but I don’t believe I would change a thing.  I'm not quite sure how 17 years literally flew by but it did.  And here we are...10 days away from your high school graduation. 

I read somewhere that when your child reaches his senior year in high school, he becomes, at times, hard to live with. The article stated that the teenager is trying to separate himself and to assert his independence.  Supposedly this transition makes going off to college easier on the parents!  This is a true statement to some degree!  You did become hard to live with at times but I don’t care what that article said, it will not make the transition easier on me!

I know all the things I’m supposed to say and all the things I’m supposed to do and not do, but it’s easier said than done.  Please know that I am so happy for you and I'm so excited for this new chapter in your life!  My brain knows this but my heart feels something different. 

In my head I know that this is the next natural step in life.  You are going to grow on many levels.  In my head I know that you are going to have challenges and there will be decisions you are going to have to make on your own and this is a part of growing up.  In my head I know that you will probably fall on your face a few times and have to get up and figure it out on your own and that this too, is part of life. 

My heart tells it differently…

Every morning when you leave for school, I know it’s one day closer to graduation day and another day closer to college.  I want time to slow down….way down.

I wanted to cherish every last event of your senior year…homecoming, prom, baseball game…and your last golf match! I felt that I needed just “one more picture” of you doing whatever it was you were doing.  I wanted, no needed, to document it all.  I appreciate that you didn’t get too mad at me.  But you need to know that this will continue throughout the summer so if I ask for just “one more picture”, please understand.   I'm savoring the moment and I want to be able to look at the pictures over and over.  Some day we will sit together with your children and tell stories about your senior year.  Some day you might even thank me for taking just “one more picture”. 

I know that you are starting to get excited about leaving for college.  I watched your face when we went to La Roche to watch their championship game.  I knew what you were going to say before you said it to me.  My brain was jumping for joy in my head while I watched you.  My heart, well, it was breaking.  When you turned to me and said, “I want this.  I’m ready”, I knew it too.

Your senior year has been a very emotional time for me. I’m not kidding when I say ‘I’m full of emotion”! It’s not always sadness that I’m feeling.  I feel an abundant amount of pride with all that you have accomplished.  I feel joy and happiness for you.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all we still need to do.  I feel nostalgic.  I spent a lot of time looking through old photos and papers.   I’ve sat on your bed and just looked around your room, at your pictures, trophies, even your messy dresser.  And sometimes I feel plain ole lonely.  You are the center of my world…my focus, my happiness.  That won‘t change, but it will definitely be different.  

It’s a good thing I have a large brain!  If my heart had its way, I’d hug you every time you walked past me!  Lucky for you, my brain overruled my heart!  You’ve lived here for 17 years.  In that time, it was my job to raise you, take care of you and even prepare you for the day you will leave.  Unfortunately, while I've been busy preparing you for this time, I've forgot to prepare myself.  But I honestly don’t think anything could prepare me.

I’ve cried a lot this year….with more tears to come.  Please don't take this as all bad.  The tears are a mixture of happiness and sadness.   I am so incredibly sad that I blinked and you grew into the man you are and will be heading off to college but I’m extremely proud of that young man that grew during that blink of an eye. 

Remember the things you were taught when you are faced with challenges because there will be bigger ones in college. High school drama was, well, just that, drama.   Remember your morals, your values and your integrity.  Hold onto those.  Remember that you ALWAYS have a choice. Take responsibility for your choices.   Pray.  Don't blame others. Pray.  Look past the moment.   Be a leader.  Be a friend.  Study.  Study some more. 

I can’t preach this enough…..what you post on the Internet will be there forever.  Repeat after me: social media isn’t always my friend!  Make wise choices.  Think before you type or post a picture.  Ask yourself, "Do I want this showing up in a few years?"  "How do I want others to perceive me?"  "Do I want a potential employer to see this?" "Would I want grandpa to see this?"  Think before you post!  Someday you will thank me, I promise!

There are so many things I could write about you, but I just want you to never ever doubt how much joy you have given me and how much I love you.  You are a priority over all the demands that life throws at us; you are the most important investment I have ever made in my life.  I look forward to finding out where your life journey will lead. Okay, maybe I’m not looking forward to that right at this minute, but someday I will!

I am so proud of the man you have become and being your mom.  Go chase your dreams and never let anyone say you can’t accomplish what you set your mind to.  Find your passion, keep looking and searching, never stop.  I am so excited for you and whatever future endeavors you do.

Most of all, Tyler, have fun and enjoy these years.  They will go fast.  Make the most of it.  You will make lifelong friends during your college years.  You will have some amazing opportunities come your way.  Enjoy them!  Take advantage of them! 

And just think, in four years when you are ready to graduate from college, I will be become full of emotion again!