What Did You Say?

I love the game of baseball.  I love all aspects of it.  I've learned a lot from being around baseball for years and from watching MLB and college games on TV.  One thing I can’t help but notice are the number of slang terms used.  There is virtually an entire language dedicated to describing play on the field, pitching or hitting. Some of these terms actually make me giggle like a 12 year old kid.  They sound so, hmmm, well, they sound dirty….naughty. 

Terms such as:      

Go Deep

Backdoor Slider

Up and In

Down the Pipe

Find a Hole

Ride Your Horse

Meat

Power Stroke

Get a Rip

You're Up

Switch Hitter

Squeeze Play

So are they dirty or is it just me? Those of you who know me, already know that I have a warped sense of humor.  I find it entertaining to hear the coaches shouting out this baseball jargon during the games.  Or better yet, to hear MLB announcers use them on TV.  

But it can't just be me.  After all, David Letterman even had a Top Ten list for Punchlines to Dirty Baseball Jokes.   

Think about it, baseball terms used to describe sexual encounters have been around forever.  Whoever started the whole thing should be awarded a medal or have a building named after them or something.  It's such a simple idea and, sometimes, it probably makes describing sex easier for some people.

And the best part about it? It's become widespread—when you tell someone you hit a home run last night, they'll probably get your point.

Remember back in high school when baseball terms were used to describe how far you got with a boy or girl that you liked?  The basic rules applied, and the terms were simple—first base, second base, third base and a home run, just the basic baseball terms.

First base just meant kissing, not necessarily tongue kissing.  Second base involved tongue kissing and above the belt fondling. And yes, clothes were still in the equation.  If you made it to third it usually meant that there was some below the belt exploring.  Obviously a home run was sex, in every case.

In this day and age I’m sure the terms have expanded and are much more specific.  Since we are adults now, a lot more factors have been introduced into the sexual arena, or ummm….well, maybe for some anyhow.  The terms are better and much more detailed.  Ground rule double?  You wanted to have sex, but forgot protection.  You got the bases loaded?  You are in the hub of a threesome.  The terms make it less awkward to talk about even the most outrageous sexual encounters.

So next time you are at dinner and you eavesdrop on a “baseball” conversation at the next table, listen closely.  They may or may not actually be talking about the sport of baseball.   Regardless, if it’s me that’s doing the eavesdropping, I will start to giggle because my mind will immediately go to the gutter.

Now, go get your own perfect game—just hope you don’t need to call in a relief pitcher. 

Hey Ump, Even Stevie Wonder Could See That One!

Every team has that parent that screams at the umpire, that spews negativity and behaves as if the entire rest of his/her own life depends on the outcome of one baseball game.  I don’t agree with it and I certainly don’t like it. 

But….

If a whole group of parents are yelling at an umpire over a number of calls, you have to wonder if maybe the parents are right.  I’m not talking about a little league game with a dad who volunteered to umpire or a teenage boy who is umping to make some cash to take his girlfriend to Arby’s.  I’m talking about a high school baseball game with paid PIAA officials.

I get that umpires are only human but so are the players

            who are working hard

                        who are doing their best

                                    who expect fairness

                                                who are taught to respect the “man in blue”

                                                            who are human too.

Shenango is on the threshold of making the playoffs.  This hasn't happened for a number of years.  These boys put an enormous amount of pressure on themselves to make this happen. They put it all out there when playing their competition.  Unfortunately, the last few games they've had two competitions going…..

            the opposing team in the opposite dugout

                        and the men in blue. 

I know I’m full of emotion this year and I want more than anything for my son and the rest of the team to do well, but I don’t typically bash umpires.  When I coached, my philosophy was that “umpires (referees) do not win or lose a game for you”.  I still believe in that philosophy but I've added, “but they sure can suck”. 

                       

He’s safe!

No, he’s out!

Well, which is it?

As often as not, any number of coaches, players or fans will stubbornly conclude that whatever decision the umpire made, it’s the wrong one.  Are they wrong?  Look at an example in MLB. How accurate do you think major league umpires are at calling balls and strikes? They obviously aren't as accurate as us fans sitting in the seats -- after all, we're always correct, right? But what percentage of ball/strike calls would you guess that umpires botch?    

5%?      

8%?

Would you believe 14%?. 

Being an umpire is probably not an easy gig.  There is a lot of judgment involved and there are rule interpretations.  Plus an umpire has to be able to control the game. Decisions have to be made in a split second and it is expected to be the correct decision with no room for failure.  I know all this and I accept all of that.  What I can’t accept is an umpire who will stand in one spot and make a call that is nowhere near where he is.  Do it once, shame on him!  Do it twice or more?  You deserve the crowd yelling at you. 

We have umpires from PIAA.  Their website listed a few benefits for becoming an “official for interscholastic athletics”.   An umpire

makes a difference in the lives of students

encourages exercise through competition

establishes lifelong fundamentals of fairness.

It goes on to say that umpiring isn't for the “faint of heart”.  It’s athletically challenging, requires cool and decisive thinking and means you have to “stick to your guns”. 

Makes a difference in the lives of students?  Really?  Do they really think a kid is going to remember how an umpire or referee made a difference in their life?  I can only remember one referee from when I played basketball in high school and I can tell you that I do not remember him because of his reffing skills.  He just looked damn good in his uniform.  :)

Encourages exercise?  Please refer to my statement above about the umpire standing in one spot the whole game.  I’m pretty sure if I offered him a lawn chair, he would have taken it. 

Establishes lifelong fundamentals of fairness?  Rightttttttt! 

And what does one need to do to become a PIAA umpire?  Complete the application, pay $30, study the rule book, and pass the exam with a 75%.   Okay, that seems sufficient.  My questions are:

Do they have to re-take the test, ever? 

       Is there an age rule?

              Is there an eye test? 

                    Do they have to pass a physical?

                             Do they have to show proof they can move to make a call?

I know, I know! Get over it, Kim!  I know there are good umpires out there.  But come on!  We had 3 games in a row where the officiating was horrendous! 

           

So what can we, as parents, do?  We want to see our boys do well.  We want to see them win.  We need to teach our boys to focus on the game—improve as ballplayers---and don’t let the officials get into their heads. Whatever happens as far as calls go, they have no control over it. They can only control what they do themselves, and they need to do it to the best of their ability.

We need to tell our boys to divorce themselves from the officiating and to demonstrate self-discipline and self-control.  Our boys must not learn to blame the umpires for their performance.  They need to learn to rise above it. 

Alright, I guess umpires are human (most of them anyway). And this means they're going to make mistakes. All I ask from umpires is to hustle and move closer to a play, know the rules, communicate clearly, and maintain a focus on doing what's right for the players. Nail those and I can live with a blown call from time to time.

If not, well, then I have my list of heckles ready….

 (Hold up my cell phone) Hey Ump, is this your cell phone? Because it has three missed calls!

  Hey Ump, You’re not gonna sleep a minute tonight because you've slept all game.

   If I had a dollar for every good call you've made, I’d be broke!

  

   Give me an I, Give me another I, GIVE THEM TO THE UMP!

A Real Gem at PNC Park

Take Me Out to the Ball Game….

Take me out with the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack,
I don't care if I never get back…..

I love going to PNC Park.  Whether the Pirates are winning or losing, I just love being there. I mean, who doesn’t love sitting outside on a nice sunny day, cold drink in hand, encircled by people who are cheering, singing, yelling, and having a great time?   Who can resist     

that Pittsburgh skyline? 

the amazing ball park food? 

cheering for your favorite Pierogie to win the race?

It has become a family tradition to watch the Bucs play if they are in town on Easter Sunday.  This Easter was no exception.  It was a beautiful day for baseball.  We had our traditional Easter dinner of Primanti Brothers and Nachos and then made our way to our seats…Section 9, Row L…. right beside the visiting team dugout.  We were surrounded by a sea of black and gold sprinkled with was some blue and gold.  Brewer fans!  Oh, this will be interesting!

Tyler was to my left and an older woman was to my right.  She was wearing a black Pirate tee and a Pirate ball cap with a sequined “P” on it.  As if that wasn’t snazzy enough, she had on a bright red shade of lipstick that made my Mac Pink look pale.  The stadium was buzzing!  After the jumbo tron replayed the video of the guy who caught a foul ball in his popcorn bucket, I asked her and her friend who was going to be the hero of the section and catch foul balls that came our way.  My snazzy red lipsticked friend said she would take one for the team and be the hero. 

When the starting lineups were announced, she pulled out her scorecard and pencil and filled it out.  Ohhh, this is way cool!  She keeps score!  It actually sent a shiver down my spine….that could be me in 20 plus years! 

            That was the end of the comparison…….

Don’t get me wrong, my snazzy new friend knew a little about baseball.  She knew the difference between a backward “K” and a forward “K”.  She paid attention to batting averages of the players compared to their on-base percentage.  But I was a little concerned when she asked me about the “blue cushions”. 

 

“What are the blue cushions for?”

“Umm, the seats behind homeplate?”

“No, right there, the blue cushions.”

“I don’t see what you are referring to.”

“The blue cushions that man is selling.”

“Ohhhhhhh, that’s cotton candy!!!”

Oh boy….

It didn’t end there.  I had to laugh at a conversation my snazzy red lipsticked friend and her not-so-snazzy friend had….

“Who is up to bat next?” 

“Tabata is up next.”

“Tabata….oh, okay.”

“I think he’s Italian.  Doesn’t that sound like an Italian name?”

“I think he is Italian and the announcers are pronouncing it wrong.”

Really?  His first name is Jose! He’s from Estado Anzoategui, Venezuela!!!

Or this conversation…..

“I like that Neal Walker.”

“Me too.  Didn’t he bat right handed last time?”

“I think so but he is batting left handed this time.”

“Well, he must not know if he is a righty or lefty.”

For those of you who don’t know, Walker is a switch hitter.  I found it very hard to not jump into their conversation and explain this to them but I just chuckled to myself instead. 

As if this, along with the game, wasn’t entertaining enough, a bench clearing brawl erupted after Carlos Gomez smashed a triple off Pirates starting pitcher Gerrit Cole.  Gomez took a long time exiting the batter's box, leading to an argument when Gomez arrived at third base. Things escalated when the Gomez and Cole advanced toward each other, causing tempers to flare and both dugouts to clear.  When the dust settled, Gomez and Travis Snider from the Pirates were ejected from the game. 

Going into the 9^th inning, the Pirates were up 2-1.  The stadium erupted as Pirate closer, Jason Grilli jogged to the mound from the bullpen.  Grilli is one of my favorite players and I’m pretty sure he finds me to be one of his favorite fans.  After all, at the PirateFest this year, he touched my shoulder as he walked passed me.  Unfortunately for Grilli and the Pirates, the resilient Brewers came back to tie the game when Ryan Braun homered sending the game into extra innings.  My snazzy friend was not pleased and muttered, “I hate that closer business.  Cole should have finished out the game.”   I had to agree with my red lipsticked friend. 

Regardless, we were headed into extra innings on a beautiful day!  Yay! Bonus baseball!

At one point during the extra innings, my snazzy acquaintance turned to me and asked,

            “Do you know why Gomez isn’t batting?”

            “He was ejected earlier.”

            “Oh, ejected?”

            “Yes, after the bench clearing brawl.”

            “Oh?  A fight?  You know, I thought something was going on.”

Okay, where is the hidden camera because this can’t be real!  This woman was planted next to me on purpose! 

After 14 innings, the Bucs ended up losing to the Brewers 3-2.  Sadly, my snazzy friend and her not-so-snazzy friend only made it to the 12^th inning because they were hungry.  Apparently the little tangerine she ate prior to the start of the game couldn’t hold her over any longer. After they left, well, the game was just a game. 

My Easter Sunday at the ballpark was near perfect.  And although the Pirates didn’t win, I really can’t complain because

the sun was shining,

I saw 5 innings of bonus baseball and

I got a glimpse of what I might be like in twenty years. 

For the love of baseball.....do not chant!

Ahhh, baseball season!  It finally feels like spring.  I love the sights and sounds at Tyler’s varsity baseball games.  I love seeing the boys smiling and winning.  I love feeling the sun on my face as I watch the Wildcats play ball.  I love hearing

the ping of the metal bats,

the umpire yelling ‘play ball’,

the music between innings

the opposing team’s sing-song cheering……

Whoa! Wait….What?!?!

Sing-Song cheering?  Boy’s high school varsity baseball?  When did varsity baseball teams start singing and chanting like girls' softball teams? I understand cheering for your teammates, yelling "attaboy" and other baseball jargon, but the coordinated dancing, chanting and singing is annoying.

“Heyyyy batter, batter….swing”……Visit just about any youth baseball and softball game across the country and you’ll likely hear the familiar chorus, or one similar to it. At that level, this type of chatter is just as much a part of the game as bubblegum and batting gloves. But, in my opinion, it is the ultimate sign of obnoxiousness at the high school varsity level.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that dugouts should have a sign that says, "Shhhh…..Don’t cheer" because chatter is a ritualistic aspect of baseball. A little loose chatter is one thing. I, and most fans like me, can handle "C'mon Johnny get a hit!" or "Put it on the green somewhere!" or something of that variety. Anything of that variety.

It’s when high school teams engage in the non-stop, continuous chanting that crosses the line. Some teams even knock out the minute-long, rhyme-time, sing-song stanzas. Kinda like back in the day when I played softball and I had to listen to

 "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher”…..

            “We want a catcher, not a belly-scratcher”…….

I find it intolerable when teams attempt to disturb the concentration of the opposing pitcher with noise and beating on the fence of the dugout- upping the crescendo through his windup.  That’s usually when the momma of the pitcher gets upset……

It should be the goal of both teams to play their best, support their own teammates and let the other team do the same. There is nothing wrong with showing passion and excitement when playing baseball. However, nobody wins from rude behavior. It is largely a lose-lose situation. High school games should be about learning how to best play the game to win fairly and to improve necessary skills while supporting and encouraging one's teammates.

Dealing with obnoxious teams in baseball can teach a life lesson.  Life is full of individuals that believe and behave differently than your own standards.  Trying to correct their behavior with words is not always the best method.  Sometimes your actions speak louder than words.  Let this be a lesson for players to learn to channel more energy inward, focus more and let their bats do the talking for them. At the end of the day, the best way to shut up an obnoxious chanting loud-mouth team is to show class.

Stay classy, Shenango Wildcats, stay classy.  

Hey you! Yeah, you! Get a Grip!

Like many of you who have a son playing baseball, a number of men have coached my son through the years.   Off the top of my head, I can think of 14 different baseball coaches from t-ball to travel ball to high school varsity baseball.  Some of them had college level playing experience; some of them had high school experience only.  And I swear one or two of them never even picked up a baseball prior to the first practice.  Each had a unique coaching style which, as a parent, I may or may not have agreed with. 

One thing I can say about each of the coaches Tyler had throughout the years is that they each had a love for the game.  I can say that about any coach Tyler had for any sport.  And they must because coaching can be a thankless job.  Parents can become the enemy real fast.  Put little Johnny on the bench longer than his parents feel necessary and watch the volcano erupt.  This isn’t just limited to baseball.  I remember back in the day when I coached high school volleyball.  I had a parent rip me up one side and down the other for an issue with her daughter.  Clearly the parent knew nothing about volleyball or sports in general. The parent even added at the end of the butt-ripping she gave me,  ‘All you do is strut around at practice and games all pretty-like’….Umm, okay?  Thanks?

There is a baseball quote that I just love…..”Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up”.  How true is that? It's hard to disagree when you read stories of coaches fighting at youth games; a parent being accused of beating another parent to death after practice; and an over involved parent who makes his child run home behind the car because he didn't perform well in a game.  Run home behind the car?  Come on! Heck, the worst my dad did was requiring me to pitch 100 softballs into a bucket on the morning of a game.  And I thought that was abuse!

The emotions a parent feels when watching his/her child play in organized sports can vary from happiness and pride to anger and disappointment. I don’t think most parents realize how emotional they become when they get caught up in the moment of watching their child in a competitive environment.  I know that I’m emotional.  You all know that I am emotional! I try to keep my comments to a low roar but there are times that Tyler has heard me and has reprimanded me at home…..”Really, mom?  Did you honestly think he could score on that passed ball?  The backstop was less than a foot away!”……”But Tyler…I….”…..”No mom, just stop!  You were wrong!”……..Oh.

Parents need to take a step back and control their emotions.  I doubt if there are many, if any, players who would feel better if his mom/dad approached the coach during a game and asked why he’s not playing.  I know the last thing I’d ever want to do is embarrass my child.  Well, at least not at a baseball game.  Naked baby pictures are a mother’s prerogative and don’t count.

Also, there’s that whole role model thing we unknowingly kinda signed up for when we became parents.   You know, lead by example. You wouldn't want your child to talk back or yell at the umpire. You also want them to be able to handle complicated situations without choosing anger and yelling. And if not, well, remember karma will bite you and some day you might find yourself on the receiving end of your child’s anger. 

I’m not saying that we should not stand up for our child but there is a time and a place.  But we need to remember who and what we are. Ultimately, we are a support system for our child. We need to cheer for and support the team.  When it comes down to it, most of the time the kid knows that he is not better than those who play. They know that getting to practice and putting on their high school jersey is a privilege. And some are happy to just be a part of the team. 

It is the parents who have to come to grips with reality.  If not, then maybe some parents should be banned. If lucky, someone will tape the game and they can watch it after-the-fact on YouTube. 

This is simply a call to all of the parents of high school, or any level of athletics. Know your place. Know your duties. Don't cross that line because you disgrace yourself, you embarrass your kids and you hurt the team.