Its just one night.........

It seemed like a simple request…..Tyler wanted to take a day from school and visit La Roche again.  Perfect! I made an appointment with his admission counselor to talk to someone in the financial aid office and turn in his transcript from a college course that he took through Shenango High School.  He texted the La Roche baseball coach and found out they were practicing and told Tyler to stop by.  This is was going to be a great day….me and my kiddo spending the day together.    Just the car ride alone would be great “talk time”.   That simple request turned into an emotional meltdown for me with one sentence from Tyler, “Can I spend the night at La Roche”.  

“No…No…NOOOOO”, was the answer I was giving in my brain as the words “We’ll see” fell out of my mouth.   As the Oscar Hammerstein quote goes, “Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.” And kids gotta leave.  I knew I had to let him experience this but that didn't mean I had to like it.  I know that come fall there is going to be a monumental shift in my family life. The kid who has been making us proud, who has been surprising us, delighting us, disappointing us, making us sad, mad, and glad — in short, been part of the tempo, harmonies, and overall noise of family life, isn’t going to be there anymore.

Tyler is well aware I'm full of emotion; after all, I let him know every day.  He said we could eat lunch wherever I wanted and after he visits the baseball team, he and I can hang out at the mall together for as long as I wanted.  What a sweet kid!  And a big schmoozer…..!

Right now my feelings are mixed.  There is joy and pride in the miracle of having raised this wonderful young adult. There is worry about whether I have adequately prepared my child for a night on a college campus and to make the right choices.  There is an overwhelming sense of sadness of leaving him there.

This brings back memories of Tyler’s first day of Kindergarten.  We sat outside waiting for the bus to come.  I tried to express my excitement for him but I was crying on the inside. I walked him to the open door of the bus and greeted the bus driver.  As Tyler got onto the bus, I followed him. The kind bus driver told me that I was not permitted on the bus.  Whoa!  What?!  I explained that it would only be for a second, I just wanted to see where Tyler was going to sit.  The voice of the kind bus driver got a bit stern as he told me that I had to get off of his bus.  So, I did.  I promptly got into my car and followed the bus to every stop between my house and the school.  At the elementary school I watched my little blonde boy get off the mean bus driver’s bus and head into the school with all the other kiddos.  I sat in my car sobbing.  It was gut wrenching to see him not look back, not look for his momma. 

So today will be a test of how I will handle dropping him off and leaving him.  Will I hug him and tell him to have a great time and walk away?  Yeah right!  You don’t know me well if you think that will happen!  I am going to try my hardest to be a mature adult in this situation.  I will do my try not be a “Velcro” parent who has a hard time letting go.  I will remind myself during my drive home that it is only one night.

Who am I kidding?  I will be that same stalking, sobbing momma who dropped her little boy off at Kindergarten years ago. 

So, as I prepare to get ready for the day, I'll throw a few extra essentials into the trunk of the car.....tissues, ibuprofen, a sleeping bag, glasses with a mustache attached, a wig, binoculars and some Swedish Fish.....