Baseball Will Break Your Heart....

Dear Tyler,

I came across a quote today that I felt was appropriate to share with you….

“It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, you rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then, just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.” -A. Bartlett Giamatti

Bart Giamatti was accurate. Baseball will break your heart. But the Commissioner was only talking about the heartbreak a fan feels upon the finish of a single season. For you, a ballplayer, heartbreak is inevitable, and the more you love the game, the worse the pain will be.

I remember when you felt baseball was the most important thing in life. Not one of the most important things, the most important thing. At twelve years old, you fancied yourself as a pretty good ballplayer. You were the star pitcher for your team, and you weren’t too bad at the plate.   Your fastball was decent and you were known for “threading a needle” with your location even at a young age.  Your hitting was consistent, with enough power to (on rare occasions) get the ball over the fence. I remember you wanting to go to practice an hour early because there was nothing else you’d rather be doing. Playing ball was so important to you that we scheduled family vacations around your baseball schedule…..and that was okay!

I remember you being anxious about how high school ball tryouts.  After all, you hadn’t played with your Shenango classmates since you were nine years old.  You worried about if you would get the chance to pitch or if you’d be on the bench most of the season.  You knew that at this level, the game was faster and the competition more intense.  As it turns out, you held your own during your high school years and became a top-notch pitcher in the county. 

You did well on your summer ball teams too.  It was sad when you decided to stop traveling with the Cleveland team, but it all worked out.  You made new friends in Youngstown and you rose to the level of play that was expected in that league. Baseball life was good!

Now you are faced with a new level of play.  Collegiate baseball is far different than you, than we, expected.  You are dealing with a tough- in-your-face style of coaching that you aren’t used to.  You are learning how it feels to be a “little fish in a big pond”.  You are trying to adapt to being a freshman reliever who will see limited innings as opposed to being on the field every inning of every game.  You have, unfortunately, already witnessed heartbreak with players who quit or were cut. 

Baseball will break your heart…..

 

I hear it in your voice sometimes when you call.  That sound of defeat.  That sound of feeling as though you are getting passed over by the game you love so dearly.  I can’t imagine how hard it is for you.  All I know is that I want to fix it, to make it better.  To help bring back that love of the game you once had.  I know it’s still there.  More importantly, I don’t want baseball to break your heart. 

But unless something changes, that's not going to happen. I keep telling you to have a good attitude, to just go out and enjoy playing ball and to make the best of the chances you get. But deep down, I know how hard it is for you. 

I know that the game will tell you when your fastball isn't fast enough; you aren’t hitting your corners well enough; your fielding not good enough. Unfortunately, even a very good ballplayer spend most of his last season on the bench. If he doesn't, he quit playing too soon. I know that sooner or later, your season on the bench will come, and the game will ask you to leave.  Your heart will be broken, as will mine. 

Keep in mind though, Tyler, that even the greatest players are not immune. I think of Tony Gwynn, one of the greatest hitters of all time. I think of him at age 40, with a place in the Hall of Fame locked in, squeezing out one last season on bad knees; still able to hit, but no longer able to run well enough to play regularly. Spending one last season on the bench, watching his younger teammates play a young man's game.

Baseball will break your heart….

Remember, for all the joy there is in playing baseball as a twelve-year-old, for any kid who really loves the game, there is heartbreak ahead. That's how it goes when you love the game as much as you do.  You can hang on for as long as you want, and I hope it’s at least for a few more years, but baseball will eventually break your heart.

Why?  Because God created the sport with twelve-year-old boys in mind.  And the older you get, the less the game really wants you. Sooner or later, the bat is no longer quick enough, the fastball is no longer overpowering enough, the legs no longer fast enough and the hole in the needle you thread your pitches through gets smaller. 

I love watching you play. You play the game with passion and intensity. I’ve seen you stomp your foot in frustration when you or a teammate make an error, and I’ve seen you celebrate wildly when a run is scored for your team.  But as much as I enjoy watching you play and as much as I’m anticipating the start of this season, I can’t help but to feel a sense of sadness.  Sadness because I know you love the game and you love to pitch and that means that someday your heart will be broken. 

But it's worth it, Tyler. The joy of the crack of the bat, the excitement of striking out the opponent’s big hitter, the pleasure of hitting the corner with a good fastball, the satisfying teamwork of a well-executed double play, the fun of being part of a team, all make the unavoidable heartbreak worthwhile.

One of the best things to keep in mind, Tyler, is that the game will let you come back. Come back to a pickup game on a summer afternoon. Come back to sitting around the television with your kids late at night (when you know they should already be in bed), watching a team claw back from a three-run deficit in the ninth, and feeling that, for just that moment, whether that team succeeds or not is the most important thing in your world. Come back to the joy of teaching a child how to swing a bat or how to make the throw to first. Come back, most of all, to the memories of when you were a ballplayer, with an impossible dream that you didn't want to let die.

For now, though, enjoy the game, Tyler.  Love it like you did when you were that twelve-year-old boy standing tall and proud on the mound.  Being the “little fish” isn’t easy, but you will grow to be the “big fish” again.  I know you will. 

Have Fun…..do your best…and enjoy your freshman season! Go Redhawks!

Love,

Mom

Always Put Your Best (Digital) Footprint Foward.......

Social media is changing the way we communicate and the way we are perceived, both positively and negatively. Every time you post a photo, or update your status, you are contributing to your own digital footprint and personal brand.~~~Amy Jo Martin

In light of recent events in my life, it made me ponder about my son and the digital age.  I have spent countless hours preaching to him about his “digital footprint”.  Telling him teachers, coaches, and future bosses all creep social media sites to see what they can find out.  Moms aren't they only creepers out there.  I've told him numerous times, “Be sure your brain is awake and ready before your mouth or fingers move”. 

Your digital footprint paints a picture of who you are.

So now I wonder if he and other young adults understand what a permanent digital footprint is. Do they get that once they post something on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram etc., it lives in cyberspace forever. This includes text messages on their phones and other types of communication.

Every day, whether we want to or not, most of us add to a growing portrayal of who we are online; a visual rendering that is probably more public than we believe. This portrait helps companies target content at specific markets and consumers, helps employers look into your background, and helps advertisers track your movements across multiple websites. Whatever you do online, you might be leaving digital footprints behind.

I honestly don’t think people realize the level that this can hurt them if they abuse it.  Whether you're a pop icon, a college freshman, or a middle age adult, no one's immune from public scrutiny. A status update or 140 characters Tweet can be enough to seriously offend others, and ruin your reputation.

With presumably every teenager active these days on social media, it is important that they understand what is appropriate and inappropriate for them to be posting on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  They all need to follow the philosophy of "Pause Before You Post".  For high school athletes that want to play at the next level, they should never let a 140 character tweet cost them a chance to play or a scholarship.

It’s not only teenagers wanting to play college sports that need to think about their digital footprint.  Adults do as well.  It’s easy to be hurtful from behind a computer screen.  It’s easy to post insensitive comments anonymously. 

But are the comments really anonymous when posted online? Can the posts be traced by using an IP address or anything like that to find out who made the posts? The answer is yes.  Teenagers, as well as adults, need to keep in mind that there is hardly any anonymity online. It is safe to say that a person should not write online what they will regret later.

Bottom line is that many of us are sharing and publishing online.  We need to remember that with each post, status and photo we are contributing to our personal brand.  Wouldn't it makes sense to always put our best foot(print) forward?

Who is Ready For Some Baseball?

In case you people thought I've given up on writing about being a baseball mom, THINK AGAIN. 

 I came across this tweet when I was creeping Tyler last night…..

Did I read that tweet right?  A month away?  Baseball in 30 days?

One month……Repeat after me….ONE MONTH! Live baseball in February!  

La Roche College opens up its season on February 28 with a double header against Waynesburg.  The first week in March, during spring break, they will play in Ft. Pierce, Florida.  Sun and baseball in just a little over a month?  Suuuwwweeeet!

Oh. 

Wait.

There’s that thing called “work”….

I have to work the first week in March.  That means I’ll be sending my kid to Florida with a college baseball team for a week---ALONE.   I’ve seen YouTube videos of teens in Florida on spring break.  This can’t be good, right?

Being a college baseball mom is tough!  It is way different compared to high school baseball.  I feel so out of the loop with what is going on.  I know when his workouts are but that’s about it.  I have not seen Tyler pitch since his last summer game. I know the coach changed his delivery, which added velocity, but I have no idea how fast he is throwing.   I know the names of his teammates, but have not met all of them.  I don’t even know Tyler’s number yet……

It will be different, that’s for sure.  No longer will Tyler play in every game.  He’s only a pitcher, middle reliever (for now).  No doubt he will spend more time in the bullpen than on the mound this season.  And when he does get the opportunity to get into the game, it won’t be to pitch for 7 innings like I’m used to seeing.  I will never see him bat again, see his soft, smooth hands at third or watch him stretch for a poorly thrown ball at first base.  I won’t see every game that La Roche plays and I may not even see every (gulp!) pitch Tyler throws.  Okay, I've decided it kinda sucks being a college baseball mom. 

But even though it kinda sucks, I’m overly excited about the start of this baseball season.  I flipping can’t wait to find “my spot” at the La Roche baseball field.  I can’t wait to hear the ball hit the catcher’s mitt and hear the banter of the players on the field.  I can’t wait to watch the new La Roche baseball scoreboard light up from all the runs they score. 

I have my La Roche baseball gear and a new baseball mom bag purchased.  I have the schedule printed and hanging at home and at work.  I have all the games entered into the calendar App on my phone and I’ve been strategically trying to plan out my personal days so I can get to his games. 

It is different, but it is still my escape from reality.  It is still baseball.  It is still Tyler playing the game he loves.  It is still me watching my heart and soul play the game he loves......

....and I couldn't be more ready than I am right now!  

Empty Nest Plus One

We're coming up on one of the milestone moments of Tyler’s freshman year.

 It’s the first long holiday break.

When Tyler was home for Thanksgiving, I enjoyed every minute.  It was nice to have adult conversations and learn about his team mates and new interests.  It was great to see his high school friends again when they stopped over.  It was wonderful to hear him laugh.  It was even nice to pick up empty water bottles lying around and put toilet paper on the roll when it was emptied by him. 

Would this wonderfulness be even more special during the month long winter break?

For him the thought of this may be worse than the realization that the "freshman 15" is not a myth and more cringe-inducing than seeing his roommate in his undergutchies.   I’m sure he will arrive home a wiped-out, post-finals mess.  He will be sleep-deprived, weighted down with dirty laundry and with four to six weeks of no structure, he will likely drive everyone, himself included, berserk.

Although I’m lucky enough to see Tyler at least one day a week, he is still basically living on his own.  In the four months that we have lived apart, we have both been adjusting to new routines.

For Tyler, these four months have been somewhat tumultuous. He’s never been away this long. Although he likes his roommate, there was an adjustment period. He’s had tough professors and the challenges of self-management with baseball, cafeteria times, sleeping and friends.  He’s used to being independent (so he thinks), making his own decisions and coming and going as he wants. 

For me, these four months have been a huge adjustment.  My world revolved around Tyler.  My house is quiet.  My grocery bill is half.  The ketchup lasts for months.  I can eat cereal for dinner if I choose.  Cali gets all my attention and if she wants to cuddle all evening, we cuddle.  And I never have to worry if there is TP when I need it. 

Starting tomorrow we will be back together under the same roof, trying to figure out whose new rules apply.

How should the temporarily reassembled household run? Should I expect Tyler to comply with his old high school rules? Is he a guest? If so, I don’t think he can be the kind of guest I’d want to invite back. I’m sure there will be hot-button issues such as curfew, chores, and drinking.  Plus, there will be holiday gatherings that I’ll want him to attend but he’ll want to hang out with his friends instead. 

I guess winter break will be the time to determine what to retain, what to reframe.  We will have to find a balance……a month long, temporary normal.  The “new normal” will kinda be a pop-up version of home life that we will return to each break.  I just hope it doesn’t include me cooking dinner every night!

Maybe I'm Not Tough Enough to be a Baseball Mom.....

Fall baseball is over for La Roche.  All the games were intra-squad except for a double-header at Seton Hill.  Sadly, I did not see my son pitch.   I know only what he tells me and he tells me that as hard and intense as it is, he absolutely loves it! 

Tyler has story upon story of his freshman year so far.  Most revolve around baseball; stories of past, present and even future happenings with the team.  I can hear the passion and excitement in his voice, which makes me smile. But there have been a few times that I heard frustration, worry and sadness. 

Leaving Tyler at La Roche has been like setting a kite loose in the wind. Even though a string is attached to the kite, once it catches the wind it tosses  and turns with little regard to the string that is trying to keep it grounded.  Like this kite, Tyler’s freshman year has been his first taste of freedom.   

With regards to baseball, the start of his Freshman year means the “courting” is over.  Think about this……when you first start dating someone, everything is perfect.  Each of you smell nice, look nice and act nice all of the time.  At some point during all this “niceness”, you fall in love and decide to make a commitment to a long-term relationship.  Once the commitment is made and possibly marriage happens, reality sets in.  No longer does each of you smell, look or act nice all the time.  That is what recruitment is like….once Tyler decided to commit and his freshman year started, things got real!  

The focus of baseball at the collegiate level is to win games.  Winning games isn't always enough.  College teams must have winning seasons.  Winning seasons make their school more attractive to baseball players, alumni and sponsors.  With that being said, Coaches must select the best players for their program.  Baseball players, pitchers to be more specific, are a dime a dozen.  Tyler realized real fast that he had to work hard in order to keep his spot on the team.  He had to become mentally tough, disciplined and most of all, he had to act like an adult. 

And he has!

And now it is my turn…..

It is time for me to toughen up and prepare for the rigorous world my son has committed to…..the closest thing to boot camp without sending my son off into war. Okay, so I’m exaggerating a little, but bottom line is it is time  for me to tuck away my hanky and toughen up.  There will be no more coddling of Tyler Booher….from coaches, players or (sniff…sniff) his mother. 

Off season practices were at least 3 hours long and on off days, he had to run and lift.  Like I mentioned above, he played intra-squad scrimmages which he pitched 2 or 3 times a week.  He had good days and he had bad days.  It was easy to tell by his voice which days were good.  I always listened quietly as he told about his experience on the mound for that day.  My heart either swelled with pride or cracked a little from the sadness I heard in his voice.  And a couple times my blood boiled in fury. 

“What do you mean he sent you to lift after you told him your arm was sore and you couldn't pitch anymore today? What type of coach does that? What do you mean he yelled at you? He told you to get off the field?!?!  He told you that you needed to lose weight? Your core isn't strong enough? What the hellllllll?”……..

In my brain as he was explaining the scenario to me, I was writing a not-so-nice email in my head to that coach.  Who was HE to call my kid FAT?  CORE-SCHMORE…..maybe he should run with them a little……..or do a few sit-ups…..what if that were HIS kid out there getting told to leave the field?....Yeah, I’ll tell him and give him a piece of my mind….I’m Kim Booher, afterall…..

But instead I found myself saying things like, “Well, Tyler, he knows best…..He’s been doing this for a long time….championship teams….good coach….maybe cut out Pepsi…..”

Then when I hung up the phone, I cried.  Geesh, this was tough!  He was crushed by a man he adores as a coach.  He was yelled at in front of others.  He was told he needed to lose weight!  He needed a hug…or maybe a cookie or two. 

Maybe I’m not cut out to be a collegiate baseball mom!

Or maybe it’s time for me to learn from my son.  He’s no longer that blonde little boy with the over-sized hat standing on the mound.  He’s a grown man that takes command of the field when he’s on the mound.  He’s disciplined, mature, and can take what is thrown (or hit) his way.  His future is right now and he is meeting it head-on.

 I've done my part in helping him develop his mental toughness.  He still needs me, but more so to just listen and be supportive.  He doesn't need me to fight his battles anymore …..he just needs me to be there.

And I will…until the fat lady sings. Well, unless she was told to lose weight .......then I’ll be there until the skinny, little chick sings.