Does This Job Make My Butt Look Bigger?

Does this job make my butt look bigger?

Once upon a time when I was a librarian, I never sat.  I darted around the library doing various librarian tasks that needed to be done.  Bending and reaching to put books away, carrying or pushing AV equipment or instructing and assisting students.  There were a few times that I pulled out the yo-yo and did tricks for the students or taught mini-lessons on how to box out under the hoop. I never thought about the physical activity that I engaged in during the day as a librarian.  I went to work, did my job and had fun doing it. 

I have a new position now and I love it!  Let me say that again,

I ab-sooooo-lute-ly love my job!  I arrive at work by 7:30 and on most days I leave at 4:30 only because the secretary at the front desk kicks me out. There is so much to do and so much that I can dive into on a daily basis.  Fortunately for me, the world of curriculum and assessment in public education is growing.  There are days when I am at one of the schools in our district or I have to attend some type of training at the Intermediate Unit, but for the most part, I am in my office, at my desk…....sitting…....for…......hours. 

I’m not used to all this sitting.  I swear there are days that I actually feel the fat building up in buttocks and hips from sitting.  My once-bumpin’ backside seems like it has become a sad lump of Silly Putty that looks like it’s been stomped on by a 7-mile-long marching band parade.

There has to be a few office-friendly fitness moves that can rein in the dreaded office-chair demise, right? I’m not talking about a “Brazil Butt Lift” look, just something to help my backside from spreading.  They need to be subtle fitness moves, ones my co-workers won’t know I’m doing when they stop by my office. 

I consulted my friend Google for some assistance and here are a few that I found:

1.  Leg Circles--Sit at the edge of your chair with your left leg bent and your right leg straight. Slowly make small circles to the right with your straight leg……..Might as well stop right there.  I’m pretty sure that one would be noticeable to all who walked by my office door. 

2.  The Alphabet--Sit at the edge of your chair. Lift one leg with your toes slightly touching the ground. Simulate painting each letter in the alphabet on the floor with your toes. Then repeat the alphabet, but with your heel slightly touching the ground. Switch legs after completing the alphabet with your toes and heel at least one or two times through….Okay, seems simple enough until someone calls me on the phone and as I’m listening to them talk they hear me muttering the alphabet.  Moving right along to the next one…..

3.   Buttocks Squeeze-- The easiest exercise you can do while working is buttocks squeezes. Just sit in your chair and squeeze your butt, and then release. To make the exercise more difficult, hold the squeeze a few seconds before releasing. Try doing this for one minute……Ummmm, next!

Maybe someone will invent some type of chair that will prevent the downfall of the backsides of people everywhere who sit at their desk for several hours a day.  Something simple yet elegant like the Charigami chair.  

Charigami?  

Yep!  This cardboard chair is designed to promote good posture and reduce back pain (http://www.chairigami.com/seating.html).  Really?

There doesn't seem to be an easy answer to help prevent the "office chair spread" of my hindquarters. So for now I will just enjoy my job and do little things to get my boo-tay up and moving.  Sooo starting tomorrow I'm going to set the alarm on my phone so that I get up and walk every hour or so.    

Pssttttt......I'm doing buttock squeezes as I sit here and type this :)

  

Lookin' for a hobby

Tyler’s senior year is half over.  I have to admit that so far it has been pretty smooth.  The dreaded “Senioritis” hasn't set in yet and I haven’t received any alarming news that he won't be graduating for some obscure reason.   Don’t get me wrong, I’m still full of emotion and could cry at the drop of a hat, but life is moving along….

            …..quickly

                        …..too quickly

He graduates in 94 days…that’s approximately 2256 hours….minus 7 hours a day for sleeping—1598 hours...minus school and work hours….time with friends….baseball practice and games….I have approximately 100 quality hours with Tyler before he graduates! Ohhh, I can feel my emotions starting to overflow…..

According to Wikipedia, the definition of “Empty Nest Syndrome” is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university. It is not a clinical condition.  Whoa! What?! It’s not a clinical condition? 

So how will I put all the extra time to good use? Here I am, in my forties. It seems like my breasts, and everything else, sag a little more each day.  My eyes don't work as well as they used to.  I haven't shaved my legs since all this cold weather began. I can't remember, half the time, what I went to get when I walk  into another room to get something. And I am well on my way to being called "The crazy cat lady". It will be hard to convince myself that I shouldn't just sit on the couch and watch TV.  

A hobby.  That’s what everyone keeps telling me…that I will need a hobby.  But what?  Maybe I could learn hip hop? Try an art class? Maybe tango or some salsa lessons? Pole dancing?
 

Dancing isn't really my thing so how about a new sport?  I could try water polo? No, that would mess up my hair.  How about ice hockey?  Heck no, I hate being cold.  Fencing? Kickboxing? How about kickball? Maybe I can find a kickball, or whiffle ball league to participate in. 

Drums!  That’s it! I’ll take some lessons and then join a rock band!  Or I’ll recruit friends and create my own garage band!  

I’m not ready for my baby bird to leave the nest.  The thought of it makes me feel sad and depressed.  It is not healthy. I know this. I am dealing with it through the help of Google. After all, Google always has the right answers.   Here are some of the tips I picked up:

Accept the timing. Avoid comparing your child’s timetable to your own personal experience. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she does leave home.
Ok…I can do this.

Keep in touch. You can continue to be close to your children even when you live apart. Make an effort to maintain regular contact through visits, phone calls, emails, texts or video chats.
Ok…I can drunk dial him. I have his number.

Stay positive. Thinking about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your personal interests after your child leaves home might help you adapt to this major life change.
Stay positive?  Major Life Change?  Stupid Google!  Never believe everything you read on the Internet!

Of course in this day and age, the social media era, my nest doesn't necessarily have to be empty. It can simply go digital.  If Tyler won’t be a willing party then my only other option is social media stalking.  I would imagine that after a few “I miss you, my little bear cub” tweets to him that he will remember to call me on a daily basis.  

I need to jump over to Twitter now to stalk.....errr..... I mean to do some Intense research of an individual.  Yeah, that's it....intense research.  

Baseball Mom vs Football Mom

Recently my sister, Beth, texted me and said, “I’m so full of emotion right now…”  Whoa! That’s my line!  I’m the only one allowed to be full of emotion, right?  I told her to write a blog about being a football mom to which she responded that she’d leave the blogging to me.   Oh, okay, I’ll write an article on being a football mom, only I've never been one.  I started thinking…is there a difference between a football mom and a baseball mom? 

Tyler has never played organized football.  He  never really wanted to.  When he was younger, he was questioned every fall by the local dads “why aren't you playing football?”……”a kid your size and you aren't playing?”…..and my favorite, “doesn't your mom allow you to play?...which is a blog topic for another time!   On the other hand, my nephew, Steven, who is a few weeks younger than Tyler, lives for football.  He played baseball too and was good, but football is his love.   As I type this, Steven is in North Carolina for a long-snapper (is that the right term?) camp. 

The Baseball Mom vs the Football Mom--Is there a difference?  I've attended football games to watch classmates of Tyler or my nephews.  I am so not a football mom. I am a baseball mom. I get baseball - get excited about it. I understand it, I can follow it, and I like it. Football - not so much. And I look around at all the other moms who are so into it and seem to understand what is going on. Then I look back out there on the field and all I can see is a bunch of little kids running around jumping on top of each other. Am I watching the same game they are? Where is the instant replay, slow motion and zoom lens? Because that is the only hope of me understanding what in the world is going on out there - a televised broadcast, with beer, snacks and possibly a nap during the third quarter.

So what are some characteristics of a football mom that I have learned from my sister throughout the years?

1.  Her fall wardrobe has nothing to do with “her” colors, and everything to do with Steven’s team colors.

2.  She got used to her car smelling like a mixture of mud and a gym. 

3.  Her menu planner for the family’s meals on Friday nights automatically reads: hot dogs, pizza, popcorn, choice of pop and Swedish fish.

4.  She instinctively charged me 50 cents for my can of Diet Pepsi when I stopped by her house.

5.  She carries a dozen blankets in her trunk.

6.  When the play is over, everyone else looks for the ball and she looks for her son.

7. While watching the game and having a conversation with me, she can stop mid-sentence and change her voice to a deep, devil-like one yelling “STOP HIM!!” and then back to a sweet, innocent one asking me how work is in .0005 seconds. 

Lastly, fellow football moms have each other’s back like no other group of moms I have seen. Moms are IT in the football world.  What does an NFL wide receiver do when he returns to the sidelines after scoring a touchdown?   He yells "Hi Mom!" into the camera.  Likewise, when a young boy runs to the sidelines after his extremely awesome play he wants to see is mom.  But if his mom misses THAT PLAY and her son comes hurrying to the sidelines looking for the thumbs up or the WooHoo and she doesn't know what he has done, she is pretty much screwed.  That’s when the  fellow football moms step up.  These moms have formed a sisterhood.  They have gathered in the rain and cold, celebrated in the sun, watched each other's children, traded community news (okay, okay Gossip), but mostly they live by the chant YOU ALWAYS SAW THAT PLAY. 

Not only do Football Moms yell like crazy when the boys are making plays but they also take a minute to confirm that the appropriate mom saw the play.  If for whatever reason the mom did not see THAT PLAY she is filled in with every detail of the EXTREME AWESOMENESS that is her son.  It is like she never missed it.  And then when the boy that has made THAT PLAY returns to the sidelines, he is not only greeted with the smile from his own mom, he is also greeted with the hoots and hollers of all the other football moms.  He is made to feel like he is the MVP of that moment.  Kinda awesome, don’t ya think?

Being a football mom, baseball mom, or any other kind of "sports mom" is almost like having a part-time job.  Correction...it IS a part-time job with no financial pay.   There is a great benefit in the long run though and it's something our sons enjoy so we make the sacrifice.  The demand of the practice schedule, school, work, and maintaining a household is definitely overwhelming at times.  But we wouldn't be SuperMoms without a little chaos right?

I wonder what my sister, Beth, is going to say about us in the Superhero costumes?  I think we look pretty amazing! :)

The Real Moms of Baseball Season

I came across a website a couple weeks ago that contained an interactive quiz for moms to determine what kind of baseball mom they are.  Naturally, I took the quiz to see where I fell on their rating scale from ranging from “The Green Monster” to “Riding the Pine”.   While taking the quiz I started thinking about the different types of baseball moms that I've seen through the years. 

Baseball moms dedicate themselves to the sport, gladly spending time watching their child play baseball and each mom brings her own distinct flair to the lineup.  Here is my lineup of baseball moms:

Team Mom:  Usually, but not always, the head coach’s wife. She is the glue that holds the other families of the team together. Part cheerleader, part organizer, she spends baseball season with a phone to her ear—calling other parents to let them know about schedule changes and uniform pickup.

Nurse:  Even though she has no real medical training, she is prepared for any boo-boo, small or large. She carries a traveling drugstore complete with sunscreen, bug spray, Benadryl, Band-Aids, Ace Bandages, hand sanitizer, and baby wipes (and maybe even toilet paper). She shows no boundaries and would even help a hurt player on the other team.

Cheerleader:  This mom encourages team spirit, even making colorful pom-poms.  She is an expert at writing on SUV windows with shoe polish.  She wants anyone associated with the team—fans, parents and siblings—to match, from T-shirts to footwear. Team colors are a must!  After she yells herself hoarse at games, she resorts to her signature ear-splitting whistle.

Jock:  She played every sport growing up and was good at all of them. She’d be a more than sufficient standby for one of the “real” (male) coaches if one of them should happen to get hurt.  However, most of the time, she’s sitting in the bleachers, wavering between hurling suggestions at the bench and muttering criticisms of the testosterone-filled dugout under her breath.

Snack Mom:  This mom always offers plenty of great things to eat.  She’s so equipped that she offers both healthy snacks (carrots, grapes, and sunflower seeds) and junk (M&Ms, bubble gum, and chips). Like the Boy Scouts, she supports the motto “Be prepared.” An expert shopper, she finds terrific deals—like Gatorade for 30 cents a bottle and granola bars 10 for $1.09.

Scorekeeper:  She keeps the official scorebook and knows not only official baseball terms, but also slang baseball terms as well.   She can score a base on balls, a triple, and an error and can fit a number of items in the tiny square provided in a scorebook.  This mom can remember the players’ names just by looking at their numbers. She can discuss the rules of the game with umpires and coaches, and though they might argue with one another, they probably won’t argue with her.

Organizer:  She assists coaches by sending out texts and/or e-mails about practices and game changes. She prints up rosters, rules, and copies of the season schedule. Never one to be caught off guard, she keeps stadium seats, ponchos, umbrellas, and blankets in the car.

Socialite:  This mom would rather mingle than watch the game. Immaculately dressed with perfect makeup and manicure, she’s the envy of T-shirt and short-clad moms who've sweated off their make-up by the evening game. Her accessories—ranging from earrings to handbags—match the team colors. She manages to look and smell good, whether it’s 39 or 99 degrees.

Party Planner:  She lives for the end-of-season party.  This mom spends hours searching the internet for baseball themed party items.  She outdoes her efforts from the previous season, making cakes shaped like baseball bats or and cookies with each player’s number.   She orders trophies, puts together treat bags for the players, and buys gift certificates and team pictures for the coaches.

Photographer: She is one of the easiest to spot each spring. She holds either a still camera or a video camera as she paces the sidelines during each game. She snaps photos at a frantic pace, preserving forever images of freckle-faced boys scooping up ground balls or red-cheeked players swinging away.  A more experienced photographer mom will even take the time to place all the pictures on her Facebook page and tag each parent. 

There is no right or wrong way to be a baseball mom and most likely most of us are a combination of one or more of the above types of moms.  As much as we are different, we all have commonalities that make us baseball moms a special species.  Baseball moms stress the importance of schoolwork and make sure homework is done before practice. We make sure our baseball player arrives at practice fed, safe and on time. We make sure our son’s uniform is always clean and laid out nicely the night before a game.

Baseball moms support all of the players on the team.  We stay positive and are a constant source of encouragement for our sons and his teammates regardless of the score. We are our son’s number one fan no matter how well or poorly he played that day. Lastly, as baseball moms, we constantly nurture our son’s love and passion for the game of baseball.

As for the interactive quiz I mentioned above, I fell in the “All Star” category.  What about you?  http://www.the-baseball-mom.com/2013/08/25/what-kind-of-baseball-mom-are-you-2/

So you wanna be a baseball mom?

It's that time of year again. The weather is finally starting to warm up, the sun is shining later into the evening, lawnmowers are humming in the neighborhood…wait, what? Lawnmowers? Those are snow blowers! It's still winter and what a long, cold winter so far. But signs that spring is coming are starting to pop up! Tyler's high school team has started their "conditioning" in the gym and MLB pitchers and catchers reported to spring training. Yay! Another spring with a full calendar of practices, scrimmages, and games! I love every minute of it!

I still remember the day years ago when I stood in the baseball department at Dick's Sporting Goods buying a "cup" for my little boy. I have never been so overwhelmed or confused. I felt like a pre-adolescent teenager trying to keep the giggles away as I stared at the vast number of options in that department! And of course, because why would it be any other way, a twenty-something-ish male employee decided to ask me if I needed help in selecting the right one. At that moment I knew my life would never be the same.

I've learned a few things about being a baseball mom in the past several years. I thought I’d share a few with those of you just entering this fun season of life, or for those who can relate: 

1    1.  If you don't check pockets, you're going to end up with soggy sunflower seeds in your washing machine.

2.      Tom Hanks was wrong; there IS crying in baseball, and it usually starts when your kid has been on the mound for an entire inning, the bases are loaded, he keeps hitting batters, and he can't find the strike zone.

3.      Eventually you're going to reach for your wallet and end up pulling an athletic cup out of your purse.

4.      When they are young, they all look the same when they're out in the outfield, so that kid who's dancing Gangnam Style in center field could easily be yours.

5.      That dad who's sitting in a lawn chair outside the outfield fence, by himself, with a cooler and a stainless steel cup, instead of sitting in the stands with the moms? He's no dummy.

6.      Never go to a game without clothes for all four seasons…..you never know what type of weather you will have.

7.      Don't even think about putting groceries in the trunk of your car until you remove the lawn chairs, two golf umbrellas, blankets, jackets, extra clothes and bat bag.

8.      Wait until after the season to get that pedicure...the baseball dirt mixed with sunscreen stains your pretty feet anyhow.

9.      Carry toilet paper and hand sanitizer in your trunk. Do not trust that the Port-A-potty has either one.

10.  Know your baseball lingo.  You don’t want to be known as “that mom”.

11.  It's okay every now and then to say prayers such as.."I know, dear Lord, that there are tsunamis, earthquakes and starving children, but if it is Your will, could you please, oh please, oh please, could You just get my boy on first base safely in any way that You possibly can? Thanks much. Amen."…..to yourself, of course.

12.  When cheering for your teenage son, never refer to him using any term of endearment such as honey, baby, cuddlebear, or snookems.

13.  Your spring and summer diet will primarily consist of nachos, hot dogs and popcorn.

14.  There is no room for laziness with uniform cleaning. I have spent hours at my kitchen sink hand scrubbing white baseball pants.  My advice?  Soaking them overnight in a combination of
Fels-Naptha and Oxi-clean. 

15.  Do not and I repeat, DO NOT, take it upon yourself to yell, "Balls in, comin' down", when you get tired of waiting for the game to start.

Lastly, enjoy it. Being a baseball mom is satisfying. It is nice to spend the days outdoors indulging in the dreams of your child. One of the most important gifts we can give to our children is the continuous, comfortable and steady support that often means their life takes precedence over our own.